Meat Flats

Well, they're not really meatballs - because they're flat. They're not meatloaf - because, well, they're not in a loaf. They look more like meat splats, but flats sounds better. :)

[I'm open to better names! Give them a try, then leave a comment with what your family thinks they should be called! Meat lumps? Hockey pucks? haha]

Ingredients:

ground beef (and/or ground pork)
onions (chopped fine)
eggs
saltine crackers (smashed fine)
milk
salt & pepper (to taste)
other spices if you want to make them garlicky or southwesterny or Italiany, etc.

The recipe is more of a formula than exact measurements - so it all depends on how many meat flats you want to make!

For 1 lb of ground beef, I use 2 eggs, a whole small-medium onion, and a whole sleeve of saltine crackers. I put all those ingredients into the kitchenaid mixer and let it stir on low. Then I add milk while it's going until it's a softish consistent texture - no lumps of meat here & there. You're going to have to experiment with this one - but it's really hard to mess up.

If you're not totally grossed out by touching food as I am, you can mix all this up with your hands. I would probably die if I had to do that. I didn't make meatballs or meatloaf for years, because my mom & dad always mixed that up with their hands and then formed the meatballs with their hands. It wasn't until I realized I could dump the package of meat and other ingredients into the mixer and use other utensils to avoid touching the food altogether that I started making this. My family is very appreciative of this discovery!

When it's all mixed up we get out the "George" (our George Foreman grill). We have a cheap old George that works just fine. There are much cooler newer ones out there now. The only thing I wish was that ours was larger. Whatever I make on it, I tend to have to make in batches, so you have to keep the food warm somewhere - or the family eats in stages. It's not a big deal, and I'm too cheap to go buy a new one!


I heat George up to 300° and use my large Pampered Chef scoop to splat some meat onto the grill. Then put the lid down, and they cook away until they're nice and brown on the outside.

To make sure they're really done, you can stick a meat thermometer in one and make sure the internal temperature is at least 160°. I like them closer to 170°-180°.

We like mashed potatoes, some vegetable (usually corn or green beans), and cranberries with meatflats. The worst part about doing them on the George is that you can't make gravy. Meatball gravy is one of the greatest things in the entire world. But it's a tradeoff for making them quickly enough for a family dinner.

It's always a good idea to make too many while you're at it - because cold meatflat sandwiches the next day are awesome! :)